Prayerlessness has always been a plague to me. It’s the one thing about my walk I wish I could snap my fingers with and all would be well. But recently a blessing that has come of it has been a drawing back of the curtain of sorts to my own heart. Sort of where the theology meets the road.
I’m HUGE on mans depravity…especially my own. I am fully convinced that there is no good thing in me. That is, apart from my Lords grace. This lack of prayer and lack of will in my own heart to come before my Savior has shown me just how depraved and fallen my own soul is. To have the riches of Christ in my possession, to be a vessel of Gods mercy, and to have been brought from darkness into light and STILL yet be so little moved to prayer only strengthens my resolve that without Him I can do nothing and that apart from Him, I truly am void.
It’s been a desert experience yes, but it’s taught me this. I am fallen….completely fallen. Without the threads of His grace in my soul, I would be a most pitiful creature indeed.
I say with Paul:
Romans 7:24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.